Today, I came across an old photo of myself celebrating my first birthday. I also received so many WhatsApp messages with birthday wishes and prayers. Somehow, seeing that little girl in the photo and reading all those messages made me feel a little overwhelmed.
It reminded me of my childhood. Back then, my birthdays were always celebrated. Every year, my mother would organise a small party and invite my school friends from the village. I still remember writing the invitation in those little birthday invitation cards. They were so cute. I was always excited about nasi kuning, snacks, having my friends around, and of course, receiving presents.
It wasn't just birthdays, either. My parents celebrated many little things in my life. My First Holy Communion, getting first place in class, and even making it into the top ten at school. Nothing too big, but they always made me feel that what I achieved was worth celebrating. My parents also made me feel good about the things I did, even when they were just small achievements.
I guess when you grow up feeling appreciated, you don't spend so much of your adult life trying to get that feeling or validation from other people.
Birthdays are different now, though. I don't get as excited about them as I did when I was a little girl. I don't count down the days or look forward to having a party anymore. But I still appreciate the people who remember me. The older I get, the more I realise that I have actually been quite lucky in life. Of course, not everything has gone the way I wanted. There are still things I wish I had, things I want to change, and plans that haven't worked out. I'm not saying my life is perfect. It isn't. But I have so many things to be thankful for. I've travelled to many places in Indonesia and to quite a few countries around the world. I've seen beautiful places, tried different foods, experienced different cultures, and made so many memories along the way. I've had adventures that I probably wouldn't have imagined when I was younger. And I still have places I want to visit and things I want to do.
I also have a life that I enjoy in many simple ways. I can work from home, spend time with Cinta (my dog), have my own space, and enjoy a quiet day without feeling that I always need to be somewhere else. I have my lovely family, Felix, (even his family never forgot to text me on my birthday), many good friends who care about me, and a home to come back to. These things might sound ordinary, but they mean a lot to me.
Felix is currently away on a work assignment in Africa, the internet connection isn't very good. But he still made an effort to call me, even though the connection kept dropping and we could barely have a proper conversation. When I told him that I feel sad about getting older, he says, "It's okay, you're only one day older than yesterday." Haha. I know he's right, but I guess there's always something a little bittersweet about getting older. No matter how happy you are with your life, there's still that feeling when another birthday comes around and you realise another year has passed.
And when someone says my life sucks, terrible, or that I have nothing to be happy about, perhaps they're just describing their own life and projecting it onto me.
I know my own life. I know what I've been through, the things I've enjoyed, the people who have loved me, and the experiences I've been lucky enough to have.
Today, I feel loved. I feel remembered. And I feel very lucky to have lived the life I've lived so far.
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