In Asia, and probably in many other parts of the world, marriage is still considered one of the important milestones in life. There is almost a timeline that people expect you to follow. Finish school, get a job, find a partner, get married, have children, and so on. And if you happen to be outside that timeline, people will often have questions.
One of the most common questions, especially for women, is, "When are you getting married?"
If you are in a relationship for a long time but still unmarried, people may question that too. Somehow, being in a long-term relationship without getting married can become something that other people feel entitled to comment on.
I have experienced this myself. There was someone who didn't particularly like me and used to make comments about the fact that I wasn't married, even though I had been in a long-term relationship. At one point, this person had just gotten married and seemed quite proud of it. There were even little comments and remarks that felt like they were meant to make me feel behind in life.
But life is funny sometimes. Not long after that, they got divorced.
And even after the divorce, the comments about me not being married didn't completely stop. It made me realize something. Some people will always find something to talk about, even when their own life is far from perfect.
Maybe that is just human nature. We tend to look at other people's lives and find the one thing we think they should be doing differently. Someone isn't married. Someone doesn't have children. Someone doesn't have a house. Someone doesn't have a certain job. There is always something.
And sometimes, people use those things to make themselves feel better about their own lives.
But as I get older, I don't feel the need to answer everything anymore. I don't need to point out someone's divorce just because they once pointed out that I wasn't married. I don't need to remind them of what happened to prove that I was right.
Because what would that actually change?
Their marriage ended. My relationship continued. But neither of those things makes one person better than the other.
I think that is something I have learned with time. You don't always have to fight back when someone tries to make you feel small. Sometimes, the best response is simply to continue living your life. People will always find something to judge. Even if you change the thing they were criticizing yesterday, they may find something else to criticize tomorrow.
So I don't think we need to live our lives trying to satisfy other people's timelines or expectations. Marriage can be an important milestone for many people, and there is nothing wrong with wanting it. But it is not a deadline, and being unmarried does not automatically mean someone is failing at life.
At the end, everyone has their own timeline.
And maybe the most peaceful thing we can do is stop trying to prove ourselves to people who have already decided what they want to think about us.
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